lavendergirl

Wow, it seems like it has been a very long time since I last came around here. I was a regular for a while and enjoyed my buddies and the support. Unfortunately, as time slipped by so did the buddies. I am sure that they shared the same hectic schedules, daily frustrations, constantly putting themselves back and doing everything for everyone else, just things in general so I do not in any way criticize. It is hard and it is hard to continue on a daily basis. I recently began my routine again and mixing it up as I go; I am not obsessed with numbers on a scale; only that I achieve each day what I set out to do and do it to the best of my ability. Two weeks ago I was so depressed, felt really fat, no strength, no nothing, not wanting to do anything but feel sorry for myself. Today, I feel so much better. My body aches from all the dvds, the trainer, and outside activities and that is all good pain. I will take it over hurting just because. My mindset is clearer…no I dont like to exercise but I give myself a good pat on the back everytime I make it through one more dvd or that trainer goes home. I feel hopeful and more forgiving to myself and am liking the fact that when I look in the mirror there is a woman who is smiling back at me; not frowning or crying. So I am back and I know that it is one day at a time; so I will always take support as well as give it to anyone who wants it. I approve of myself and love myself today; not when I think I deserve it!

I had my party last Saturday. I invited friends from work including my boss and his wife. The weather cooperated and it was nice. Everyone had a great time. Everyone brought a tapas so there was so much food that at the end of the party I forgot I never put out the cheesecake I made; or the bean salsa! I have to say that the amount of work getting the place ready to show; it took 11 months to remodel the kitchen but it seemed harder to get everything put back in its place! I was so intent on getting everything together that I found myself losing weight! Who says you need a gym? I lost over the course of six weeks 8 pounds! I was thrilled. At  first I thought it was just water; but today it is still the same. The only thing I can think of is that I didnt give myself the chance to sit down and watch Dr. Phil but got my butt moving when I got home.  I was still getting to the gym as well. I have decided to that there is no excuse; got to go because I feel better when I get there anyway! This weekend, I will relax a little; sit by the pool and veg. If the weather is nice; I will go for a walk or a bike ride. Either way, this week has been another positive for me and with the party behind me; I can now just leave it when I see that little dust bunny in the corner of the dining room!

Well, this week has been rather uneventful. And that is a good thing. No surprises, just everyday routine; get up go to work; go to gym; go home; same thing each day. I can feel the weather changing but it is still pretty hot here but is cooling way down in the evenings. Kind of a crisp clean feeling in the morning at 6:30 when I am feeding the horses. The house is almost ready for its big debut. We have a big party set for next Saturday to show off the new kitchen and other stuff we have been working on over the last year. Got a little nervous when my husband and buddy took a sledgehammer to the wall and knocked it out! But now it is great! Every morning when I walk into the dining room and see the open kitchen with all that new cabinets and countertops I just smile. So now for the rest of the time I am cleaning up the property. We had someone come and take the old oven and stuff away yesterday; so now I am just tidying up a bit. I have been back on this site for about a month now and have really enjoyed it. Have made some new friends; joined a couple of teams; and really working to keep myself accountable each day. So far so good. I am looking forward to a great weekend.

Okay, so I have been a part of this site on and off for a couple of years. Took some time off in the last year or so due to siutations beyond my control. So last week I decided to check it out. I continued to get the blog listings so I checked out BS again. I checked in with a few words in my blog. I went and looked up some friendly faces to buddy up with; and now as of this week! I have found new friends; I am part of a team (I am the oldest one on it but that is okay) I am motivated and challenged to accomplish my everyday goals; I check in with my buddies to see how they are doing; I am just feeling really positive. In fact over the last two weeks I have lost almost 4 pounds. I know it has to do with the fact that I made an effort to reach out to others to offer support and at the same time I have to be supportive to myself and keep myself going! So I am off to the gym again today! Third day in a row!

I am looking through this past year on this site and others that I joined over the recent years. Some, I have kept in contact on a daily basis; while others just seem to fade away. I dont really know what happened; maybe I just got caught up with trying to get things done day by day; dont know. Some of the buddies I made seem to disappear as well. I continue to get the updates from this site and kept thinking I would come by and visit. So today, I am checking things out again. This year has been filled with ups and downs like everyone else. Nothing that I cant handle. School is starting again for my daughter who will be a senior this year; my son was laid off from his job but after three weeks has been offered a great job. I told him being laid off was the best thing that ever happened; life is just doing what it is supposed to be doing; going on day by day. I plan to look around and make an effort to spend more time  here. I did enjoy it before and know that there are probably some fantastic people here that I havent had the chance to meet yet. So today I go to the gym and work out; go home and continue to paint (the ceiling) (we had our kitchen remodeled so now of course the rest of the house has to match right?). Talk to you all soon. Pris

I have spent so much time focusing on this obsession with losing weight that I no longer enjoy life as much. It has all but consumed me for the last three years. I have decided to just take it one day at a time and no longer let this dictate my life…will I be thinner tomorrow?  Will I fit into that ? If I dont eat this will it make me a size smaller… I already put away the scale; did that about three weeks ago. Feels pretty good so far. Am I gaining weight? Am I staying put? Am I losing? Dont know but it is refreshing to not have that weigh on me. I am a strong, vibrant beautiful woman with many things to be thankful for; my health, a great man, two great children, a job that I feel I contribute to…so many other things to be a part of instead of this monster thing that shadows over me everyday. So, I think that each day I will just ramble on about my day and if something exciting happens I let you know; if not you can always just skip this post right? I am not doing this for others approval I am doing this for me and they say you should write down your feelings so I will try that for a while.  So for today? How do I feel? I feel pretty good; I feel a little more in control and a little more accepting of who I am. Until tomorrow.

Wow January is already almost over and I still havent settled in yet! I have all these things I want to do and I havent even got to them yet;  It seems that when I turn around someone else needs something for me to do so I put myself in second. I just got started and now January is practically gone! I wanted to start bellydancing again; I wanted to paint again; I wanted to get to the gym three times a week; I wanted to clean out my car…the list goes on and on. Oh well, I guess I will start over and try again in February!

I JUST WANT TO SEND OUT BIG WARM HUGS TO ALL OF MY BUDDIES WHO HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ME THIS PAST YEAR! I HAVE COMPLAINED, I HAVE CRIED, I HAVE SCREAMED, I HAVE LAUGHED AND I HAVE LEARNED TO NOT BE SO CRITICAL OF MYSELF! YOU GUYS HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN WHAT TO SAY TO KEEP ME ON TRACK, KICK ME IN BUTT, SEND A HUG, OR JUST A PLAIN OLE “HOW YOU DOING”. I LOVE YOU ALL AND HOPE THAT YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT HOLIDAY AND A WONDERFUL START TO A NEW YEAR!

ITS IS SATURDAY ABOUT 7 AM. I TOLD THE HORSES LAST NIGHT THAT I WAS GONNA SLEEP IN SO THEY DIDNT START CALLING ME UNTIL ALMOST 7 AM. THAT IS AN EXTRA HOUR OF SLEEP FOR ME SO THEY WERE CONSIDERATE!MS HONEY USUALLY WHINNIES UNTIL I COME OUT THEN SHE JUST LOOKS AT ME WITH THE THIS EXPRESSION “WHAT?” ON HER FACE.

 I WILL SPEND THE DAY WITH MY DAUGHTER DOING LUNCH AND GOING TO A SPA. A SPECIAL TREAT FOR BOTH OF US. I AM FORTUNATE TO HAVE  A DAUGHTER (15) WHO ACTUALLY LIKES TO SPEND TIME WITH ME! IT IS NEEDED BADLY FOR BOTH OF US!

I DIDNT LET THE CHICKENS OUT YET TODAY. ONCE WE TAKE THE HORSES DOWN TO THE BARN, (WHERE WHATEVER IT IS) HANGS OUT, I WILL LET THEM OUT. I AM SADDENED.  AS OF THURSDAY, I LOST 6 CHICKENS IN THE LAST WEEK. I ONLY HAVE FOUR LEFT. I KNOW THAT THIS ANIMAL (BOBCAT/RACCOON BOTH) IS HUNGRY BUT I WENT OUT LAST NIGHT AND WISHED THAT THEY WOULD PROCEED ON AND  LEAVE. THE BOBCAT COMES THROUGH EVERY YEAR BUT USUALLY NOT UNTIL JANUARY; SHE STAYS A WHILE OVER THE BARN AND DOESNT BOTHER ANYONE. SHE LEAVES AFTER A FEW DAYS; I USE TO THINK THAT RACCOONS WERE CUTE BUT THAT CHANGED WHEN I SAW THEM IN A TREE ABOVE ME; HISSING AND NOT THE LEAST BIT AFRAID; NOT SO CUTE ANYMORE. AS FOR SETTING TRAPS, THERE IS NO POINT; SO MANY ANIMALS OUT THERE AND WITH THE NATIONAL FOREST BEHIND US; THEY WOULD JUST RETURN. SO, TODAY IS ANOTHER DAY AND FILLED WITH SUNSHINE. I WILL RESPECT AND ACCEPT MY LOSS TO THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN DRIVEN OUT OF THEIR HOMES. SOUNDS PRETTY DRAMATIC BUT THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN DEAL. IT IS A CYCLE AND  I HAVE TO  JUST CONTINUE TO DO MY PART.

This week has been  a long one.  I have lost three chickens this week. One of them a favorite of mine. I am torn because although I wish no harm on any creature, I am a little peeved at this one who is eating my critters. I have had this before, and have decided that it is racoons. Last night, they were or it was high up in the trees but I couldnt see it. Since the change in time, the chickens have been getting put away later or darker, they decide when they want to go to bed, and so if I dont get them before it gets dark, they get into the trees. Alas, last night two more got into the trees. I know with the shortage of water, shelter and food they are coming closer to the house, but it still is upsetting. The fog has been in so thick in the mornings that it is really kind of errie. A quietness around the property as I am walking out to feed the horses. By the time I get into the car to drive out of the valley to my office, it will be sunny at the house, yet still fogged in at the office. It is really a beautiful sight as I come down from the hill into the city which is on the coastline, there is a thick white layer between me and the city. These moments are the ones that I like best. I guess I will do everything I can to protect my critters and just hope that whatever it is, it goes on its way soon.